Encouraging Versus Discouraging (Also Rambling)

          We are two days away from 36 weeks and waiting anxiously for the moment when active labor will start. This past wednesday after a prenatal check up, we were delighted to learn that I am officially in pre-labor! I've been in pre-labor since Sunday December 1st. While waiting is quite uncomfortable, we are over joyed to learn that every day is just one day closer to holding our daughter in our arms. Pre-labor can go on for hours, days or weeks; there is no scientific way to estimate when our active labor could start. Only God has power to control when the moment is right.

          Approaching these last few weeks (or days) of our pregnancy has left my emotions raw and vulnerable. While excited and overjoyed to be so close to the end of this beautiful experience, there is a part of me where my 'pregnancy dragon' (as my husband so fondly refers to my uncontrollable and raging hormones) walks and waits seeking to latch on to any negative comment, or well-meaning but misunderstood advice where I then sit and smolder. It is so easy to get carried away and offended by well-meaning advice and the sharing of personal experience with intent to prepare us for our new responsibilities. It can make it difficult to sort through the waves of emotions and fears that rise following these conversations.

         While I have been more emotional and sensitive than normal, both Alex and I have been equally surprised and shocked at the many negative comments and opinions that have been expressed and shared regarding our pregnancy and our impending parenthood. We have been equally shocked to learn that we are not the only first time parents being bombarded with these comments and opinions. This has become so much of a discouragement to us that I cannot simply ignore it any longer, not just for our sake but also for the sake of those who face similar experiences.

         Pregnancy and childbearing is an incredible, beautiful experience. While some moments may not be pleasant or desired there is no way we can deny the miracle that is growing inside of us. Alex and I were not sure we would ever have the opportunity to bear children of our own, especially after the loss of our first two pregnancies last year. While we have always had a heart after adoption, since childhood there has been an unspoken wonder and desire to someday experience the beauty of creating and carrying a child of my own. When we first got married we were not planning on trying for children of our own for several years, but when we learned we were pregnant for the first time, suddenly overwhelming love for that unborn child captivated our hearts and we knew we would do whatever it took to provide the best life we could for him or her.

         We knew then that planning and providing for a child was not going to be easy, but we didn't care. The love and passion we had for that child overrode our original idea of the perfect time for a child. When we lost the baby it only reiterated how truly precious the gift of a child is. We would have done anything in the world to keep that baby. When we lost our second child just about two months later we were beyond devastated. Suddenly parenthood wasn't so easily obtained and planned, but it was that much more precious and lovely.

          When we finally became pregnant with Charlotte, our joy and excitement could not be contained.   We were certain that all of heaven was singing and rejoicing at the life that was being created within me. God had taught us a valuable lesson with the loss of our first two and the difficulties we faced becoming pregnant again- we knew we couldn't earn the right to be parents, and we didn't have control over her life within us- she was a gift from God. Seeing that little heart beat for the first time was one of the most beautiful moments through this whole pregnancy. The fact that we were going to have a baby became a living reality to us. Our hearts rejoiced like never before.

            This pregnancy has been far from easy. We have run into complication after complication, but every day has been a beautiful gift all the same. I am willing to do and endure whatever it takes to give this precious child the best chance at life regardless of how painful and uncomfortable moments can be. There is nothing I wouldn't go through with joy and rejoicing for life maturing in my womb. Why then do so many people feel that it is necessary to point out all of the negative things that come with the responsibilities of parenting?

            While Alex and I are fully aware that parenthood is not going to be a walk in the park, or that labor and delivery is going to be a painful experience, it is not helping us to have people so focused on preparing us for the sleepless nights, and moments of frustration and discouragement that come with raising children. Becoming a parent is full of questions, fears, and insecurities without the added well-meaning comments and opinions from the people around us. We so desperately need people to come alongside us and help us to focus on the budding beauty and joy that comes with parenthood, not the "Just wait until she cries all night. You will be miserable when she wont let you sleep." or "You have no idea what your getting yourself into." While these comment may have truth in them, why are people so focused on the negative experiences in parenthood?

              One of the most frustrating experiences I have had so far, are peoples opinions on the fact that I am having a C-Section instead of a natural birth due to personal health issues. While there is a huge part of me that is relieved that I'm getting cut open after everything that I've been through, there is also a huge part of me that is terrified of going through this surgery and the recovery processes. It often feels like at times that people are trying to convince me that I shouldn't have a c-section, and they have to make sure I know how miserable and difficult the recovery could be, as if I am not already nervous. Having a baby (especially for the first time) no matter how you have it is a scary process. We do not need to be constantly reminded or given opinions on how we should do it, or what to expect afterwards. A negative approach, no matter how well-meaning it may be, when not asked for, only invokes more insecurities and fear than preparing and encouraging these impending experiences.

            Unintentionally people often are found focusing and remembering the difficult and uncomfortable moments of parenthood. First time parents (speaking for Alex and myself) know we don't have it all together. We know that we are going to be learning and taking this new journey with our family day by day. We know that we are going to make mistakes and that there may come days when we are at a loss of patience and wisdom. When people continue to reinforce how difficult and hard their experiences of raising children where, it leaves us feeling hopeless and discouraged in every way.
 
         There have been times when through expressing our joy and excitement for our daughter and the life we have been given to share with her, people have thought it necessary to impose the impending hardships that come with children. As if by not saying anything they are allowing us to blissfully and ignorantly walk into this entirely unprepared, and with a good conscious they must remind us of reality. Unfortunately when any negative opinions are routinely expressed, it makes it sound like your kids are not worth everything that you've been through to raise them and care for them. When constantly bombarded by these comments, we feel like we aren't supposed to be happy or overjoyed for this baby we are soon to bring home- that our love and passion for her wont last the day she keeps us up at all hours of the night.

           As first time parents, we need the people in our lives to stand with us and encourage us. Fill our ears and hearts with thoughts of joy and love. Recognize with us that God is going to help us walk through everyday of parenthood-that we will not be doing this on our own. Share with us the love you have for your children, and worth their lives are to you. Doubt, fear, and insecurities are natural response to change- we need positive and uplifting advice and encouragement.

            The fact stands that there truly is nothing anyone can say or do to steal the joy and love we have for our little girl, but allow us to freely express and enjoy these last few days or weeks of this pregnancy, and the wonder that will come watching Charlotte grow and mature in our arms. Don't weigh down our hearts with added fears and insecurities. I'd rather be blissfully ignorant of the struggles we will face, and enjoy every moment that I have today without any hint of fear or uncertainty. Our baby is an incredible gift; when we are discouraged we may need people to remind us of that. Come alongside us and other parents and help us to see the beauty in raising children when the days do become hard.

           It breaks my heart hear the incredible amount of bitterness and naturally negative responses to parenthood. Most of the people in our lives have been an incredible encouragement to us through this pregnancy. However we have to recognize that it is so easy and naturally human for us to have a pessimistic approach on life, and it is equally easy to impose that on other people as they grow and mature in their lives experiencing new things like: choosing a college, pursuing a career, getting married and having babies. As followers of Christ, brothers, and sisters through Him, let remember to be a people whose words reflect the heart of God; that we would lovingly encourage one another and that our words would be full of life, joy, and faith.


Much love,
Leah

Home At Last

          We finally did it! We are in our own home, mostly unpacked and ready to bring home our little girl! There are no words to express the relief and joy of having a place to call home again. Though we are beyond thankful and blessed to have family to lean on through the last few months, we are so happy to go to bed in our own room, with the silent wonderment at the stillness of our new dwelling. We know that this is just the beginning to a new journey, with new struggles and trials, but for today we rest in peace and with hope in God for whatever awaits us down the road.

We have beautiful big windows and sky lights that let in light

           Charlie Ann is still snuggled up inside my womb growing stronger with everyday. According to my doctor we are now out of the water, and if she were born today she would have half the fight to grow and mature those little lungs! He thinks I have a good chance of going full term at this point. Though we never know the timing and plans of God. My family is coming for three weeks hoping to be here for the birth. I hope they don't have to  go home disappointed, but I cannot deny that I trust God with the timing of all of this!

Our couch has long been missed! Many naps await in the future.

        I am so excited to see all of my siblings and my parents again. I miss being involved in their lives, and being close enough to stop by. Here we were prepared to spend this holiday season without the blessing of sharing it with them, and now God has opened a door and graciously blessed us with an opportunity to share more than just a weekend together. I am so overwhelmed by all that God is doing in our lives. I know that these next few months will be far from easy, especially for my hard working husband, but I look forward to watching God continue to provide for us and blow us away with His gracious, merciful love!


Here are some pictures of our new home! I can't wait to bring Charlie Ann home. I finally feel like we have an appropriate place to bring her home too!

Charlotte's changing table/dresser. 

Rocking chair for Charlotte! 

A window seat with a gorgeous view! 

Beautiful dinning room! 

A kitchen of my own again! 

There are so many wonderful nooks and crannies.

My own laundry room! 

Charlie's little bed! 

Ready with essentials for midnight feedings.

Our own bed again! With two big windows to look at the stars! 

               We are in love with our new home. There is more space than we know what to do with! Our landlord is a believer himself and has been more than accommodating to us. God has blessed us above and beyond anything we could have expected, we can only hope we can use this blessing to bless other in our lives now. 

             So now we just wait and pray for the day we can bring our baby home, and begin this next part of our journey together.

Creative Cooking

            Cooking on a budget while continuing to send those taste buds into a flavor coma starts with the basics and ends with creative combinations! Since moving into our new home, we have been able to do our own grocery shopping and cooking again. Part of my most recent conviction is to cook healthy, well balanced meals while staying within a strict budget. Unfortunately in todays economy, eating healthy clean foods is not a budget conscious endeavor. You can buy a big package of Ramon noodles for the price of an orange. It has been an interesting year of learning what kinds of staples are wise and healthy options and understanding how to make several meals from a few staples. 

                I love expressing myself creatively in any way that I can. Over the last few years I began experimenting with cooking; creating original dishes that burst with flavor, leading to a symphony of harmonious savor. The most recent concoction my husband and I attempted was a pasta dish marinated in an alfredo based sauce, with shrimp, fresh garlic, spinach, artichokes and *cherry tomatoes. We have found that pasta is a great inexpensive staple that is very filling is small portions. I loved the simplicity of this dish while yet being pleasantly surprised by the rich bursting flavor that met our taste buds with genuine enthusiasm. 

             We have found that pasta is a fabulous inexpensive staple that is very filling in small portions, so it can go a long way. We love spinach and artichoke dip (the inspiration for this entree), therefore because spinach has so many great vitamins I've been trying to find ways to incorporate it in our meals. A cheese based sauce with spinach and artichokes and fresh garlic was a great inexpensive was to add a little zest to our meal. I really wanted to experiment with different meats outside of our typical chicken breasts and ground beef meals. So I decided to try shrimp. I was really surprised to discover how inexpensive a bag of cooked frozen shrimp ended up being. We didn't even use half of the 1lb. bag I bought for this meal. 

               Over all I am learning that there are very simple inexpensive ways to dress up a meal and add a little excitement to our pallets. I want to be excited to cook while still learning how to plan our menus wisely and effectively. What are some of your favorite family dishes that have been easy and inexpensive? What are your families favorite staples?

Spinach and Artichoke Alfredo Fettuccine

1/2 lb. whole wheat fettuccine pasta   

1/3 a small bag of frozen spinach

1/2 16oz. can of artichoke hearts chopped

1 to 2 cloves of garlic minced

1/2 lb. frozen cooked shrimp

16 oz. jar of alfredo sauce or homemade sauce if you prefer

*we weren't fond of the cherry tomatoes, however if you like tomatoes we cut them up in quarters and let them sweat in a hot skillet after sautéing the vegetables and shrimp. 

Boil water with olive oil and a pinch of salt for pasta. Meanwhile prepare garlic and artichokes and sauté in olive oil with frozen spinach. Cook pasta when water is boiling. Add the shrimp and let warm through completely. Add the alfredo sauce to veggies and meat and let simmer for 10 to 15 min. Pour over cooked pasta.

We served it with fresh herbed bread and olive oil and parmesan cheese to dip. 

The Story of my Pregnancy

A follower of Butterflies and Rosy Eyes requested sharing the story of my pregnancy and some pictures following the growth of our little girl! We are currently 31 weeks pregnant and due the first week of January, though our doctors seem to think we will be delivering sometime before January.  

  This pregnancy has been full of twist and turns, taking us down a road we were no where near prepared for. It has been like hiking a mountain in flip flops and swimsuits - being prepared for a completely different adventure. We are worn out and looking for a ledge where we can simply rest, breathe and recuperate from the climax of these last few weeks. We can see the top of the mountain from our perch here, so we know we are in for the home stretch now.  

Before our wedding in August of 2012, we had both agreed that we were going to wait for a couple years before we tried for a baby of our own. We wanted time with each other adjusting to our new life together and a chance to pursue school and careers before the responsibility of a baby. However, about two months after our wedding, we were more than surprised to learn we were expecting our first baby. It is amazing how quickly you are able to change your way of thinking when the reality of becoming parents presents itself. We quickly warmed up to the idea of being parents to our first baby. We knew that it wouldn’t be easy, but regardless we were carrying our very own child and we were going to do whatever it took to care after it. 

Seahorse

Starfish

God’s plans for that precious child were not expected when I miscarried at 8 weeks. We had been grieving for not more than 3 weeks when we learned we were (pregnant again) or still pregnant with a second baby. We are fairly certain that our first baby (affectionately known to us as our Seahorse) had a twin brother or sister (Starfish).  The baby growing inside of me gave us hope, though the pain and heart ache from our first still resonated deep in our hearts. We were so afraid that we were going to loose that baby that we had a really hard time connecting with the blooming life within me. Not  a month later Starfish went to be with the Lord as well. 

The grief of loosing a child is great. Even for those we never met or had opportunity to hold. Nothing in the world could have prepared us for the emotions we struggled through with those miscarriages. It left a gaping whole in both of our hearts. Our little family had been ripped from our open arms. We decided to try for another baby, realizing that all we wanted was to be parents. Several months went by without a positive test. We were so discouraged. Not only had we lost two babies, but now we weren’t able to conceive another. 

One night, up late talking we began praying together. That evening something happened in our hearts. We were able to come together and give that hunger and desire for a child to God. I will never forget that night. We brought our burdened hearts to the Lord and committed our children to Him- the ones we lost and the one we desired. If it was God’s will, we knew He had the power to give us a baby of our own, but if He choose not to, we were going to find joy and peace in serving God anyway. We wanted God to be glorified through whatever He had planned for us. So we decided that we weren’t going to try anymore. We were leaving it in His hands and focusing our hearts completely on Him. 

It was almost three weeks to the day when we found out we were expecting again. I swear, angels were singing and the heavens rejoiced with us. Our hearts soared to unexpected heights, though deep in the back of our minds a fear of death nagged and followed like unwelcome shadow. Part of our hearts were determined to refuse the idea of loosing this baby, but there was no denying the possibility of another miscarriage. So we prayed. 

Alex and I ended up moving into my parents house within the month after dealing with some unfortunate situations in our living situation. I was jobless temporarily, but Alex continued working as much as he could to provide for us. We were determined to keep the news of our pregnancy a secret until we were sure the baby would be okay, but our excitement quickly escalated over our determination and before we knew it the news had spread like a wildfire. 

5 Weeks

Our first prenatal appointment was a milestone we had yet to reach in our previous pregnancy. We never had the opportunity to see their heartbeats, or confirm their existence. We waited for that first appointment and ultrasound with an urgency and excitement that matched that of our wedding day. The moment we saw the flicker of that   healthy little heart for the first time hope filled our anxious spirits, and a love perviously incomprehensible bound the three of us together. We knew we would be inseparable from that hour ever onward.   

From day one Alex was convinced that my womb carried and groomed the life of his son. Whenever anyone asked, his instantaneous response confidently divulged his overt conviction that I carried none other than a boy. I was less confident and secretly hoped for a little girl. Only time would tell.

Being jobless, though stressful in many ways ended up become more of a blessing then a burden. God knows exactly what we need when we need it. Not more than four weeks had passed before I started having serious complications with the pregnancy. I was put on bed rest, after discovering internal bleeding from the placenta placement. The biggest concern was that the placenta would come away from the utero  wall leaving the baby without oxygen or nourishment. We knew that the only thing we could do at that point was pray and follow the doctors orders. 

Days came and went with the slothful speed of a slug. It was the first time I had been without work upon my early graduation where I began full time employment. Being bed ridden, and forbidden to do anything useful with myself only increased the unsettling feeling growing inside my stomach and frequent hours of distraught anxiety. God was testing my faith, patience, and devotion to Him. It was a grueling ordeal raging with ferocious emotions threatening derailment of all sanity. All we wanted was a healthy baby in the end. Not knowing whether he or she would make it ate us from the inside out. 

Alex continued working but started looking for better employment opportunities, to help support us while I was out of work. There was no telling how long I would be on bed rest or what other complications I could end up facing preventing me from working. As it happened, up state New York was not the place to look for employment. We began looking into other options and after much prayer and consideration, we decided to move to Maine where Alex’s family ran a carriage company. 

Things happened so quickly, we hardly had time to comprehend or prepare for the move. We were going to temporarily move into an RV trailer on the farm until we could get back on our feet again. The plan was to be in our own place sometime in February after the baby was born. We were going to rough it for the next several months, though there was no way to fully prepare this sheltered city girl for life on a working farm. 

A week before the move, I ended up back in the ER after multiple fainting episodes and significant unexplainable memory loss. Our biggest fear was that something was wrong with the baby. A few hours later we were more than relieved to see a very active dancing baby twirling and jumping in my womb. We were over joyed to learn that the internal bleeding had resolved itself and the baby was no longer in any immediate danger. In addition, every day we were closer to the second trimester-known to be the mark of a healthy pregnancy, where the risks of miscarrying significantly drop.   For the first time in weeks we finally felt like we could breathe again. 

Although the baby was healthy and I was being taken off bed rest, the doctors did find evidence of a concussion due to a head injury that I had no recollection of receiving. They concluded after careful consideration that in the midst of one of my fainting spells, I had hit my head and suffered memory loss of the entire day. They advised me to take it very easy and watch the frequency of my episodes. I was also given strict orders to surround myself with people whenever I could and to keep a journal of any incidents when I was alone. 

Fainting seemed a little price to pay for the health of the baby at the time. Little did I know how sever the episodes would become, or the underlying health complication that would be revealed later. I was happy enough at the time to keep myself surrounded, and focus my time and energy in the people I was around. We continued to prepare for our impending move with a renewed gusto. Devastated though we were to leave all of our dear friends and family, we could not help the intrigue of a new adventure. 

14 Weeks

My family piled our few belongings in the back of their twelve passenger van, and with my six siblings in tow followed us up to Maine. (P.S. if ever in need of a talented packer my brother is the most skilled organizer I have ever known. He has managed to pack large things into small spaces without leaving a single thing out. He is nothing less than a skilled master!) Our little grey car (affectionally known as The Iguana) took off in song and with a joyful determination, the road laying before us open and inviting us in as friendly strangers.

It has always been a dream of mine to live by the ocean. I never actually thought I would live less than 2 minutes away from the open water, let alone in an RV on a farm where chickens would wake us at the crack of dawn with their song to the rising sun. It was wonderful living in an area where my family would want to visit us. Slowly things began to seem brighter and we had hope that things would finally begin working for us rather than against us. 

Alex immediately began work on the farm and loved the change in the work environment. I settled in unpacking as much as I could to make our new little home inviting, being creative with storage and organization. I also began meeting with my new doctors and working on getting our new health care figured out. It was a fun excited first few weeks. We enjoyed sight seeing, catching up with family and meeting our new church family. 

A few weeks into our move I finally received the okay to search for employment. I was hired within the week as a nanny for a family who had recently taken over a lovely bed and breakfast. Before I had even began official employment I was also hired by the family to help hostess their restaurant where they served dinner to the public. I was in my glory! I enjoyed working with kids again and loved the new experience working as a hostess. I met some incredible people and heard some amazing stories from people all over the world. It was a blessing I indulged myself in as much as I could. 

Those few weeks were nothing less than the calm before the storm. Over the course of a few weeks it became painfully clear that I was dealing with a much larger problem than mere fainting spells. After consulting with my new doctor, we were told that I was probably dealing with a case of seizures which were being brought out by the increase of hormones from the pregnancy. The first step was to schedule an extended EEG better known as a sleep study. 

At first the episodes mimicked nothing more than dazing off but after multiple experiences where I continued to struggle with memory loss and increased fainting we became concerned. I continued to work, but made my condition known to my incredibly generous and understanding employers. After just a few weeks however, the episodes took a turn for the worst. Though I wasn’t dealing with Grand Mall seizures I was loosing feeling in my limbs and the ability to function through the episodes, and the length of the episodes increased significantly. Instead of recovering in a matter of minutes, it would take days to begin feeling more like myself. 

Gender Reveal

Meanwhile we had our 18 week ultra sound, where we had the opportunity to learn the sex of our baby. I was pleasantly surprised to learn that the baby boy Alex was so convinced we were having had little lady parts, undeniable even to the inexperienced onlooker. As he looked at our little girl with her hand tucked by her little face, I could see his heart melting and falling more and more in love with every second. I have never had any doubts about his impending fatherhood, but in that moment I knew that his little girl would be his very treasure. We had no arguments about her name from the moment we saw her. She was our little Charlotte Rae Ann, and we couldn’t wait to bring her home dressed in pink, with her little rosy eyes.

        In the midst of all of the excitement we were still very worried about the effect these frequent episodes could have on the baby and the delivery process. For the time being however the best we could do was sit and wait and start praying again, but in the process I sank into a deep depression. The reality of the move began to sink in and with the problems I was having I felt isolated and disconnected from my life. After talking with my midwives I was given permission to go to New York for a week with for my baby shower and to spend some time visiting with my friends and family hoping that the trip would ease the side effects of the depression. 

 

The baby shower was incredible! I got to see my close friends and family from out of state that I hadn’t the opportunity of seeing for well over a year. It was such a blessing to spend time in my families home again and to get to see my best friends again before the babies birth.  What an amazing blessing it is to be surrounded by so many people who care so deeply for you and your little growing family. That week has easily been one of the most precious moments of this pregnancy. 

I came home eager to see my beloved husband, refreshed and ready to take on the world again. I wasn’t home a week before my doctors restricted my ability to work or drive. I was suddenly completely dependent on my working husband and my gracious mother-in-law for everything. My depression set in again, causing the days to meld together and my hope dwindle ever more. 

26 Weeks

I finally made it to the day of my EEG. After a long, grueling 24 hours of no sleep (26 weeks pregnant mind you) I was hooked up to a machine and fell asleep to the rhythmic beat of the bleeping computers outside my room. The test came out negative with little surprise to anyone due to difficulty in catching any evidence of this kind of seizure. Even still we were painfully disappointed as we were hoping for an easy solution. Never-the-less we continued on, looking for answers.

Two weeks later things only became more complicated when I began contracting and was admitted to the hospital with a threatening preterm labor. I was a finger tip to one centimeter dilated, and was immediately put on medication to stop the contractions. After a long 36 hours I was finally sent home, my contractions settled and the fear of an early delivery temporarily at bay. I was sent home with strict instructions to watch my contractions closely and if there were any changesI was to go to the hospital immediately. 

27 Weeks

Neither Alex or myself were prepared for possibility of a little premie. There were so many things that could go wrong. We still didn’t have anything unpacked, washed or ready for her, in no way were we prepared to bring a baby home. While that should have been the furthest fear in our minds, the unsettling reality that we could potentially give birth to a very little baby was beyond terrifying.  

We began preparing for an early birth; talking with premie survivors, researching what to expect if she were born before full-term. Within the next two weeks I ended up in the hospital four separate occasions, but each time was sent home within a few hours with little to no cervix change. We began to breathe a little easier and felt significantly more prepared for whatever could wait beyond the corner. 

In the midst of all the chaos, I was transferred to another group specializing in high risk pregnancies. We were so frustrated with the disorganization and felt like our case wasn’t being taken seriously. But we felt like we had our hand tied and could do nothing more than wait patiently for some answers and follow up appointments. We finally ironed down a consultant appointment with a doctor who would help us figure out what the safest delivery process would be due to another other underlying issue I had that could potentially complicate the delivery process. I also began seeing a difference in my seizure activity after being put on a low dose of magnesium. Things seemed to be significantly improving and I had hope that the episodes would no longer be a big issue. 

Another week passed, I was finally at 31 weeks and was feeling hopeful that I would be able to avoid another weekly trip to the hospital. I had my consultant appointment that afternoon and I was feeling okay at the moment. Suddenly I felt like my water broke. I was completely soaked through and terrified that I could potentially have a baby that day. Contractions started coming hard, and the pain was unlike anything I had experienced so far. I was quickly rushed to the hospital. 

We were more than relieved to learn that it wasn’t my water breaking that I had experienced, but something that mimicked the feeling of your water breaking. It was a good indicator that my cervix had began softening preparing for true labor, and the pain and pressure in my back only seemed to confirm the diagnostic. I was released, and had just enough time to make it to my next appointment. 

Our meeting with the doctor went far better than expected and we finally felt like we were on the road to answers. He confirmed our fears that the complications with a natural birth were a high risk, but possible if we really felt like we needed to do that. He strongly encouraged us to consider a cesarian section instead. I never thought I would consider a C-section due to the risks and recovery involved with that surgery, but after the last few months, specifically the past three weeks, the idea of a C-section came as a relief rather than a burden. After discussing the pros and cons, we confidently decided that the safest plan was a C-section. 

Relief followed like a rain-shower. We requested to be transferred to the doctor and his fellow group of midwives, feeling confident that we were where we needed to be. I was also given a dose of steroids in the office and another today to help the development of Charlie Ann’s lungs should she come early as everyone is expecting she will (though God has a plan of His own). 

I don’t know what will happen in the impending weeks of this pregnancy. I know that I am tired and worn out, and part of me is so ready for this whole ordeal to be over, but there is an undeniable truth to the fact that I would be willing to go through anything in the world to give this precious baby the best environment I can possibly give her. It has been a long hard pregnancy, but nothing has ever been so worth it, or so beautiful.

In the midst of all the chaos, I have had some incredibly beautiful moments as this baby has grown inside of me. We have had many ultrasounds which has given us the opportunity to see her grow and mature in a special way. We know that she has a full head of hair, and that she sleeps with her hands by her face just like I do. We know that she is very active for a baby her size, and that she has a strong and beautiful heart beat. The night we spent in the hospital I was able to fall asleep to the precious sound of her beating heart. 

While I have had several complications I have had a fairly easy pregnancy in many other ways. I haven’t struggled with any morning sickness, and my acid reflux seemed to resolve itself for a time instead of becoming a bigger problem. I have had normal weight gain, and moments of unnatural energy. Over all I love being pregnant. I love feeling the little flutter of baby fingers and toes combing the inside of my womb, and waking up to her little hiccups. I love how she gets so excited whenever she hears her daddies voice (there is no doubt that she will be a daddies girl). It is an amazing experience holding life within me. 

We are having a baby. There is nothing that quiet matches the emotions of our impending parenthood. We are so in love with this baby girl, and no matter what happens we know that God is going to take care of us. We just have to make it through the next few weeks. Whatever happens we know God will give us the strength, peace of heart, and clarity of mind we need.

Creating Memories and the Art of Saving

            As Alex and I began putting together our baby registry, we were more than slightly unprepared for the cost of preparing for a new baby (especially the first). We started talking about ways we could save; noting things that were necessary purchases verses luxury. Our first plan of action was to buy second hand where we could. We knew there were a few things that we needed to buy new, but thankfully we have incredibly generous family and friends who gifted us the essentials. We have everything that we absolutely needed to bring our daughter home and then some. But there was still a part of me that wanted to dress up a nursery and splurge on pretty bows and frills.






           So for the last few weeks I have been busy piecing together my own handmade nursery set for our baby. I started at our local discount store and found some very inexperience material that I fell in love with! My first big project was a rag quilt for her crib pulling together the colors I picked for her nursery.
 
        Rag quilts are a great beginning project for those like myself who are strangers to the art of precise cutting and seaming. My seams are never near perfect and forget trying to cut a straight perfectly even square. After combing Pinterest for some tutorials I dived in head first. After six wonderful hours I suddenly found myself staring back at my very first finished sewing project since middle school! I still haven't finished cutting out the fringes along the seams but I will hopefully still have a little time before we will be using it.


       My second project was a soft snuggle blanket. Every baby needs a soft blanket, but neither Alex or I were willing to spend $30 on one. So instead I found some scrumptiously soft pretty pink fabric (that Alex pointed out before I even had a chance to show him. He is going to be a good daddy already having an eye for pretty things he wants his little girl to have.) that was significantly discounted from the original price.

*Something that I have noted these last few months after getting into all of the DIY projects plastering my internet browser from Pinterest, is that if you are looking to save money, it is not always penny conscious to craft verses purchasing new. Material is becoming more and more expensive depending on where you purchase, and the majority of crafting materials are not always cheap. Finding things on clearance and in Second Hand stores are the way to go when looking to save a couple dollars.

       After finishing Charlie Ann's snuggle blanket I was happily surprised to find enough left over fabric to imagine up a little Lovie to match her nursery set. I really had no clue how this was going to turn out in the end, but I had seen a few examples of little fabric dolls in stores to get a rough idea of what I needed to do. I even tried searching for ideas or patterns on Pinterest but unlike most days came up empty handed. So I got my mother-in-laws scissors out and chopped away piecing it together as I went.

         I really loved the end product. Soft, pink and pretty, and stitched with nothing but love! There is something special about sitting down and taking the time to make something by hand for your baby. Sure you could buy everything new and that is fine and everything. But being able to hand something to your little one that you labored over intentionally for him or her is incredibly sweet and precious.

        I still would love to make little curtains or valances for her room, but seeing as how she will be sharing our room until we move into a bigger home, I know there is no need. Over all we only spent a total of $14 on the three items. Yay to savings! We were able to save and create memories all at the same time.

       Only two more weeks and I'll be able to set up all of her pretty little things in the corner of our room! I am so excited to bring her home and begin the next phase of my life-mothering my daughter.


What are some ways that you saved or prepared for your babies before you brought them home? Comments welcome! Feel free to share with friends and family!!

Love,
Leah

Bringing Home a Baby

 How soon does a normal person have everything ready for a baby? Over this last week multiple people, friends and strangers alike have inquired over the status of the preparation of our nursery, hospital bags and such. Although I admit being 30 weeks pregnant does make the impending delivery of our baby seem ever more real, I still am no less prepared for her than I was at 20 weeks. I have boxes piled and spilling over as we prepare for our big move into our new little home which is still over two weeks away. I haven't washed any of her clothes, unpacked (obviously since we haven't even moved yet) any of her gadgets, or set up any resemblance of a nursery. I haven't even come close to realizing what still needs to be done before we bring her home. 

        

          Suddenly the urgency to start preparing for the day we bring her home has sent me panic stricken to my stacks of boxes seeking for some way to prepare for her. However until we move there is little I can do. The one task I did manage to complete has been packing our hospital bags (which should have been packed two weeks ago after going into preterm labor- pregnancy has certainly induced procrastination). Once we get into our home I'll be about 33 weeks pregnant, with a large to-do list in pocket. 

        

        From your experiences what where the key things you felt necessary to have done to bring home your little ones? How did you determine what was necessary verses luxury while preparing your home and heart?

Welcome to Butterflies and Rosy Eyes

          Hello Ladies,

          Welcome to my blog Butterflies and Rosy Eyes. I have limited years of experience in blogging, but after recently becoming a stay at home wife and impending mother I couldn't resist the urge to beginning writing again. I have a passion for writing and sharing my experiences with others. I am hoping that as I embrace my new role as a mother to my little girl, that I will have opportunities to encourage and uplift other woman. I really don't have a clue what I am doing but with the support and encouragement from you, I hope to waltz into motherhood smiling!

         It is really important to me to learn how I can honor God with my family and home while taking on my new roles. As a young christian I've grown up fantasizing about how I would grow up and become a missionary saving people right and left of me. I so idealized the idea that the only way to effectually honor and glorify God is to be out in China living in a hut in the middle of a mountain evangelizing to the small villages around me. I wanted to be a superhero: saving orphans, feeding the starving and converting the lost people around the world. Somehow as much as I have always wanted to be a wife and mother, the life style of a housewife seemed far too easy and unimportant; a much less romantic endeavor.  However, since I have been married and now expect the arrival of my daughter, I am learning to appreciate the simple beauty of caring for my family. God created woman for the purpose of motherhood, and there is importance in our roles as mothers and wives. True christ centered motherhood is no easy venture.

        We are called to stand apart from the world and to raise our children up in the Lord. As much as washing dishes, folding laundry and changing diapers appear as a menial everyday necessity, the impact of doing everything we do with joy and a heart of servitude goes much further than I ever thought it would. I can still be a radical disciple of Christ while embracing motherhood and the role of a supporting godly wife. My goal through this next phase of my life is to find beauty and joy in the simple things of life. I want to learn to honor God in everything I do. I want my daughter to grow up seeing God in everything from little butterflies to the rosy eyes of smiling people!

          I don't need to be in China to be a devoted woman of God. I can be a active disciple of Christ everyday through everything I do!

      Much love,
Leah